How to get what you want in bed: Communication
There is NO other way to get what you want in bed without the glistening
word that rings in the back of our ears (that a lot of us ignore)...
*Communication*. Like most things in life, communication is key,
everyone knows it, and if you do it well, it solves almost every problem.
However, actually practising it effectively is why things rarely run
perfectly. But we’re here to talk about communication in the bedroom,
and hopefully if you take these tips on board you can enjoy a sex life
where both parties get exactly what they desire!
There’s a huge scale when it comes to communication, from subtle hints
to full blown straight to the point. However, when it comes to sex there’s a
very thin line you can cross to kill the mood, so this will have to depend on
your personality and your partner’s. If you’re a person that’s not as open
about talking about what you want, you want to start off more subtle, or
maybe this is a new partner and you’re testing the waters... here’s a few
tips to get started:
If you’re just getting to know your sexual partner and haven’t yet
done the deed, you can always start with some digital foreplay
(providing it’s consensual). When your convo gets a little risky, or
they say something that turns you on, this is a great way, especially
if you’re a little shy in person, to get to know what makes someone
tick. Sometimes you do need to be a bit bold when it comes to
sexting because you are literally typing what you like, but it can
always start off humorous and turn friskier as you continue. Don’t be
scared to tell them something they’ve said turns you on, because it
will more than likely be reciprocated if you like each other and could
open up a whole new level. The art to sexting is asking questions,
this gives them the opportunity to open up, and will in turn make
you more comfortable to do so too. Remember it’s an imagined role-
playing scenario and gives you both the opportunity to let each
other know what you would like to do to each other.
2. Body Language
The next step in showing someone what you like, without having to
be too vocal, is body language. Show them that you’re enjoying
what they’re doing by either moving your hips or squeezing their
hand or arms. Or, if something isn’t working quite as well, then you
can also guide their hand or change up the position. It’s okay to be
assertive, just make sure you know your partners boundaries too.
Another way to show someone what makes you feel good and learn
what they like, is to put on a sexy lingerie set. Something like our
Sarah Black Set from our Wolf & Whistle After Dark Edit, or perhaps just a set that you know you feel more confident in. Surprising your
partner by putting this on just before sex, or by having it on already
under your outfit, will scream to them that you’re in the mood. If
they rip it off straight away it’s probably just because it made your
body irresistible, not because they don’t like it! If a set you’re
wearing makes you feel sexier and more confident, you’re more
likely to have better sex.
4. Let’s get vocal
One of the best ways to show your partner what you like is by making noises during the moments that really work for you, and this goes both ways. Making noises can actually turn yourself on and create a better build up. Once you feel more comfortable doing this, you can then take it one step further and start some dirty talk. This could be anything from a simple “yes” or “you like that?” or “don’t stop”, which will encourage your partner to continue what they’re doing. Once you have built up the confidence for this, it makes it much easier to guide your partner to do what you want, such as “bite me” or “faster” or “pull my hair” or asking for a different position. Also, don’t be afraid to ask them to involve your toy, if you’re scared of hurting their feelings, saying something like “The thought of you using it on me really turns me on” will make them feel like it’s still about them. We suggest trying out the couples set from Je Joue, for toys that will enhance both your experiences.
5. Care and praise
When it comes to asking your partner to do something that you haven’t had the courage to ask for, make sure you approach this with care and always with praise. When you say, “There’s something I’d love to try with you," that tells your partner that this is something you’d like to try together to see if you both like it, not that you must commit to it as a part of your sex life forever. On the other hand, when there’s something you maybe don’t like as much, it’s good to approach this by first saying something you do like; “I really like it when you ____ and I think I would like it even more if you ____” as this avoids hurting anyone’s ego.
Lastly, if there’s something more frisky that you want to ask your partner to do but you’re really unsure of their reaction, the best thing you can do is ask them what their boundaries are and if there is anything off limits for them when it comes to sex. Once they start opening up, you can get an idea on whether it’s appropriate to ask them.
Author: Hannah Jennings